Thursday, April 10, 2008

Why Does Being Me Suck So Much?

So, taking a break from the questions, just for today.

I think I have more than my share of stress. Perhaps I'm just a big fat whinycrybabyface, but I struggle, continuously, to keep the shit and the muck out of my life, and keep my attention and my effort focused elsewhere.

But sometimes it just isn't possible. And it gets built up inside of me, twisting and throbbing and whispering and pulsating, like an evil thing, until I don't think I can stand it anymore. And then I usually have to come to my blog and rant and rave and scream and piss and moan, until I feel better.

Those of you who have been with me through multiple blogs know that I do this on occasion. And you're still here, so I have to assume that, either you don't MIND so much when I go apeshit, or you're as crazy as a soup sandwich yourself, and reading MY craziness makes YOU feel better about yours. I'm happy to help. You all know my middle name is "Help your fellow man."

Here are a few things that have me twisted up in knots, currently:

I'm missing my daddy. I haven't talked to him in a while, weeks actually, and the main reason for this is that when I DO talk to him, I only miss him more. I want to just drop everything and run to Florida for a visit, because nothing helps when you're feeling all of life's ICKY, like a visit with your DADDY.

Brother 2's life-suckage is creeping over into my space in a big way. This is, of course, due to him FLINGING it at me, in the hopes that I can make it all better. Because that's what I always do. When life hands HIM a bowl of lemons, *I* whip him up a frosty tall glass of lemonade. But this time, I don't feel like coming to his rescue. This time, I don't wanna be the hero. Maybe that sounds selfish. I don't care. This time, I want someone to rescue ME.

My job has gone to hell in a handbasket. I'm so behind in my work it isn't even funny. The only reason I still HAVE a job, is that I keep distracting my boss with delicious and nutritious lunches. Truly, the way to that ol' coot's heart is through his stomach. I can make a monstrous mistake, that costs us a client; then, when he is SCREAMING at me, I say, "You know, I haven't made EGGPLANT for you for a while. I'll pick up the stuff this evening and make it for you tomorrow. We'll settle up on money later." This does TWO things: IMMEDIATELY his eyes glaze over at the MENTION of the word eggplant. And his heart MELTS at the words "settle up later..." My boss is the KING of settling up later.

Thing 1 posted a vaguely pornographic picture of Thing 2 on her Facebook. And also on her MySpace. Ok, NOT pornographic, but... ICKY, nonetheless. Granted, since I know she will likely point this out in the comments, at first I laughed at the picture and posted a comment to it. Then I freaked out because THAT IS MY BABY, y'all, and I told her to take that picture the fuck down.

Thing 1 has a real problem with being told what to do. So, we argued. From a legal standpoint, I told her she could get in trouble, since she is over 21, for posting compromising pictures of her MINOR sister. Of course she then started looking up laws and statutes and legal codes..... Good God, she will argue until you don't have any brains left with which to make a valid point with her. She should truly make a good attorney.

At any rate, she finally took it down, but was extremely mean to me in the doing of it. And when I came home, Thing 2 met me at the fucking door and, catching the baton easily from her sister, continued the argument far into the night. For what it's worth, they both apologized for the way they talked to me, but I'm not in the mood to be forgiving, seeing as how I think they only apologized because I threatened to take away their concert tickets that I spent $150 of my NONEXISTENT secret horde of dollars.

There is something that I want that I CANNOT have. This is nothing new, as there is ALWAYS something that I want that I can't have. The difference here is, while always before I could daydream and fantasize what I would do when the thing I wanted DID finally belong to me, this time I don't know WHAT the fuck I would do with it if I had it. For the first time in my life, I want something that I don't want. That's me folks. A puzzle, wrapped in a big fucking pink enigma....

Husband seems to have stepped up his efforts to MAKE ME SPONTANEOUSLY DIE. There is more drinking involved. There is more, "But YOU are the LIAR and CHEAT. I am a VICTIM." There is more screaming. There is more suspicion. There is more doubt and dread and despair. Interestingly, there is also more ME, caring LESS and LESS. *sigh* Marriage is not easy. Bad marriages, well, they suck the grey hairs off a crippled old donkey's balls.

In the words of Thing 1, back in the day: "I hate my life. I hate the world...."


Miss Britt said...

It's not selfish to not want to rescue someone.

That's NOT your job - and in the long run, it doesn't do them any good.



the planet of janet said...


THopgood said...

*Bad marriages, well, they suck the grey hairs off a crippled old donkey's balls*


Bina said...

Wow! You certainly have every right to bitch and moan, but I would think saying

"Sucks the grey hairs off a crippled old donkey's balls" would make ANY one feel better!

And yea, the more you come to the rescue, the more they expect you to. Believe me, I've done that enough with my boys, and I don't intend on doing it again.

Worker Mommy said...

I say go visit Daddy. Hell if it will make you feel better then do it, do it!

Life is short, seize the day and all those other cliches that happen to be true



Burfica said...

gosh it sounds like one of those days, where you want to bend every fricken one over your knee and spank them till you can't spank anymore. You will be hurting and have pulled muscles in your arm, but dam it would feel good.

You need to call your daddy. You like me know there is always a time where there are no "i'll do it tomorrows" left. Don't not do it. Cuz you will regret it later.

Love ya my friend

big giant assed bear hugggssssssss

mitchell said...

how much does that big purple enema cost. I had one just the other day but it was clear plastic not purple. Got it from Walgreens. Try stool softener also it works pretty good.

Sleeping Mommy said...

my heart aches for you sometimes. Wish I could give you a big hug and then take you out to and get drunk.