Tuesday, April 15, 2008

SCRABBLE!! It's the newest aphrodisiac!!

You guys know how I love Scrabble. I was delighted to discover that I could play on Facebook. Nobody in my family can beat me, so they won't play with me. I'm not bragging. I've been playing Scrabble since I was a li'l kid. And I knows me lots of words.

Imagine, if you will, my shock and horror at realizing that SOME really, really stupid people are using my beloved Facebook Scrabulous as a means to their own end. And by end, I mean perverted sexual deviations. What a bunch of FUCKWITS. See, Scrabulous lets you post a REQUEST for a game, and anyone who sees your request and happens to want to sit down for a rousing good game can ACCEPT that request, and voila! The game is afoot.

But some seriously deranged people have come up with a way to FUCK with the purity of thought and love of all things word-y that encompasses a good game of Scrabble.

Of course, I had to share some with you....

Here's what some of these DOINKS are posting in their requests. I've added my thoughts in bold RED:

only cute girls who are looking for a naughty chat... type "yes" if your interested
What I'm mostly interested in, you ignorant ASSCAKE, is seeing an end to the era of the "I'm too lazy and/or stupid to add the EXTRA TWO characters it takes to use the grammatically correct YOU'RE" debacle. But then, I'm not a "cute girl," so what do I know?

Looking for feisty, flirty, filthy & fabulous women who fancy a quickie...
Here is a classic example of how ALLITERATION is not always a good thing. I'm ok with feisty, flirty and fabulous. But FILTHY? What the fuck? Is this a sexual thing, or are you just into grunge?

I don't want weird chat. I prefer ladies. I dislike pumpkin soup. This beard was temporary. I enjoy hats.
Hee. I'll play scrabble with you anytime, darling. (And in fact, I did. Wonderful game. I won. The end.)

START NOW AND FINISH IN ONE SITTING. Do you hear me? If you disappear after a few moves I will come after you and drink your blood in your skull.
Methinks you could use a therapist, sweetie. Or perhaps you are simply in the wrong room. The "SATANIC SCRABBLE SQUAD" meets down the hall.

young girls only pls, who wants sex chat! strat chat with somethin hot...
Ok, Chester-the-Molestor, do TWO things for me. No, wait... THREE. 1) Learn to spell... this is a fucking SCRABBLE game, you fucking moron. No, wait, only TWO things. 2) DIE. Ok, no, three. 3) please learn verb tense. It's a beautiful thing.

wives in UK for hot fun
Hey commitment-phobe! Find a girl. Settle down.

i like playing with men .. he he
Honey, don't we all? But seriously, do I need to remind you that this is SCRABBLE, not SPIN-THE-FUCKING-BOTTLE?

Glamourous LADY magicians assistant required for sawing in half and scrabulous. No cheaters or wordfinders
Damn, someone grabbed you up before I got a chance to ask you which comes first. The sawing or the Scrabbling.

Size 16 or bigger GIRLS, UK only plz, If you don't look that big on your pic I will delete :-)
Am I missing something here? Are fat ENGLISH girls smarter than fat AMERICAN girls? How exciting to know that all I need to do is move to the UK, where they APPRECIATE us fat girls. And oh, how we BBW's TRY to look THAT BIG in our pics..... I hope a building falls on your penis.

young hot guy....loves older naughty woman...lets play
Aw, aren't you just adorable. Here's my number, call me... Love, Mrs. Robinson

G a y scrabble with a strange chap in jAKARTA?
GAY Scrabble? SERIOUSLY? That's a real thing?

no nose pickers. no people in a rush. no al qaeda, no antelopes. no scousers. no smelly people. no chocolate santas. no retards. anyone else is fine, av score 370/380.
Couple of quick things: 1) What's a scouser? 2) You have "smell-net?" How cool is that? I think I'd PREFER the antelopes, thanks....

Looking for a filthy girl for a quickie....
Again with the filthy? Is filthy the new CLEAN? Nobody told ME! I've been bathing every fucking day! What a waste! No wonder I can't get a man... Well, you know, if I weren't married and all...

Looking sleazy girl to talk dirty to me
Honey, do me and yourself a favor. Write a letter to your mommy. Go read a book. Blow some bubbles. I know it's lonely out there, but seriously, sleazy girls are just... sleazy.

more chat than scrabble...flirty women please
So, let me get this straight... You post a REQUEST for a SCRABBLE game... but you really only want a CHAT. With a FLIRTY woman. Honey, the FLIRTY women are out there in the WORLD, having sex with MEN. The rest of us just want a fucking peaceful game of SCRABBLE. Go out. Mix. Mingle. You'll meet that flirty woman. REALLY. I promise. You'll find her. OUT IN THE WORLD.

A challenge to all beautiful sexy undergrads , grads, and PhD's to play erotic scrabble... chat on AIM YAHOO or GMAIL PROFILE PIC OR DELETE!
Well, aren't YOU just the little fucking SNOB! No dummies, uglies or prudes for YOU, huh? Or you will DELETE!! Golly. I think I may have gone to high school with you....

Looking for a feisty, flirty woman for some fun while we play...
See, the PLAYING is the FUN thing, you MOOK. It's SCRABBLE. Sex is fun. SCRABBLE is fun. Both work just fine as a stand-alone endeavor.

Here's some advice for you, pumpkin: Lay off the fucking coffee. And you needn't worry about the braniacs... I cannot imagine anyone with an IQ over 50 would seriously spend an hour of their time hoping to catch a glimpse of your naked funky chicken. And, pray tell, GENIUS, what is Nd? Is the word AND so long for you that you have to FUCKING abbreviate it?

And my all time, most FAVORITE request:

i need to be touched
Sweetie, I'm gonna be gentle with you, because it's quite obvious you are a deranged serial killer. But there is SO MUCH wrong with those 5 little words. I'll just touch on the MAJOR ones: 1) You can't be touched here. YOU ARE ON THE COMPUTER. 2) No one is really here to TOUCH YOU anyway. This is a FUCKING SCRABBLE GAME. For the love of all that is HOLY and SCRABULOUS, this is a game of skill, intelligence, and strategy. It is not a dating service. It is not therapy. (something of which, by the way, you are sorely in need) It is not a WHOREHOUSE, or a sex shop, or a fetish-ist's WET DREAM. IT IS A GAME. 3) I'm sorry that your mommy beat you. Or burned you with the waffle iron. Or whatever she did to you that fucked you up so badly. 4) There is a whole great big world out there... full of other nutjobs like you, who probably would be THRILLED to touch you. Don't kill any of them with an icepick. Don't play Scrabble with any of them either.


Anonymous said...


I deleted my whole Facebook account and lamented the loss of Scrabulous but not after seeing this!

Burfica said...

hahahahhahaa so your saying all my inlaws were on face book trying to hook up???


damon said...

I likes srabull.

THopgood said...

I love scrabulous! But the people on there are way too good for me. I can win in my own house but not on scrabulous. Love your comments BTW! Made me laugh! There are some strange cats out there!

Bina said...

Oh My God, I was laughing my ass off and have tears running down my face! How can you be so freaking funny!

I had to read these to my friend and we were laughing! The filth thing? I had no clue.

I love the second to the last one the most. You some, "here's some advice for you, pmpkin: LOL LOL

the planet of janet said...

cant. breathe.

laughing. too. hard.

and it's your turn......

Karl said...

No wonder you want to play Scrabble with me. Perv.

Jen said...

I am so with you on this. Scrabulous is not a frigging sex service!!!

Hammer said...

When I played scrabulous everyone cheated with those online programs that tell you every concievable word all the way back to latin that your 7 letters can make.

I got sick of losing to 14 year olds that made words like ETHYLENEDIAMINETETRAACETATES

About the horny people...glad I didn't stay long enough to see that.

EC said...

I see these and I just have to laugh... it's hysterical :-)