Tuesday, April 8, 2008

I got ALL the answers...

Here are some of your questions, and my brilliant, if not entirely lucid, answers. I'll try to get them all answered today, so if your question isn't here, check back later....

Miss Britt:

What do you want to be when you grow up?

For some reason, when I first read this question, the first thought that came to my head was "Oh I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weiner.... that is what I'd truly like to be... for if I were an Oscar Mayer weiner... everyone would be in love with me...."

But, since that's kind of a dumb answer, since I can't REALLY be an Oscar Mayer weiner, then I'm gonna go with my SECOND thought, which is a LESBIAN CRACK WHORE, which I think would be an interesting thing to be.

And if I have to give a SERIOUS answer, I will go with FREE. Free to do all the things I've wanted to do all my life, and never had the chance. Free financially, free emotionally, free in every single sense of the word. Free to be Miss Anne Derstood, in all her glorious glory.


Since you wanted to know mine, I want to know what your scariest dream ever was too.

The scariest dream I can remember having was when I was pregnant with Thing 2. For some reason, both times I was pregnant, I dreamed about one particular boy I'd had a crush on in high school. His name was Philip. Not long after we graduated, Philip was killed in a motorcycle accident. He was a great guy, and it was a sad waste that his life was ended so abruptly. When I dreamed about him during my first pregnancy, I remember it being a happy dream. But the dream with Thing 2, was NOT a happy dream. I dreamed we were in a car, and he was driving way too fast. I was asking him to slow down, begging him to pull over and let me drive, but he would only laugh, and go faster. He lost control of the car on this bridge and we ended up in the water. Somehow, and this could only happen in a dream, our car caught on fire. I knew that I was either going to burn to death, or drown, and I was terrified. I kept begging Philip to save me. I remember trying to hold my breath as the car filled with water and, incredibly, flames. He did though, he did save me. He smashed the window, God only knows how, but in a dream ANYTHING can happen, and he pulled me from the car. I was fighting him, and clawing through the water and the fire, knowing if I didn't get to breathe soon, I would die. Finally, Philip pushed me upwards and I woke up as my head broke free of the water, gasping for a good breath and with Philips words ringing through my head: "Why didn't you save ME?"

I haven't dreamed about him since...

Burfica, again:

What's the one thing you would change on the male anatomy?? Female??

I would put their brains inside their penis, since they apparently only think with that part of their anatomy anyway.

I wouldn't change a damn thing. We're perfect.

Baseball Mom:

What is your best childhood memory and why?

I've written about this before, I think, but it's been a long time, and possibly several blogs, ago.
When I was twelve years old, my mother let me stay home from school for my birthday. This was unheard of, because my mom made you go to school if you were dead. "Go," she'd say, "You'll feel better by first period."

So, I was excited to be able to stay home with her. She said we'd go out and have lunch. Again, unheard of, because my mom didn't like to drive, so much. She was a timid little thing, for the most part, and driving was just really, really hard for her. But she sucked it up and did it, because otherwise, we would have all had to stay home, all day, every day. My dad worked 24/7, seemed like.

Anyway, I was allowed to stay home, and we were going to lunch. It was all too perfect. I remember being so excited I was nearly sick. On the way out, Mom asked me, "Would you like to sneak and get your ears pierced today?" Sweet Crispy Jeebus, I thought my mom had gone 'round the bend. The thought was so enticing, so completely wonderful, that I could only stare at her in awe. OF COURSE I wanted to get my ears pierced!! I had only been begging for that very thing for a whole YEAR!! HECK YEAH!! What I said to her was in a whisper, I was so afraid to even HOPE it was for real. "Yes. Oh, yes."

Then, reality crashed down. "Mommy," I said to her. "I can't. Daddy said I can't get my ears pierced till I'm thirteen. We'd better not sneak. He'll be mad." I was crushed. But I had seen my dad angry too many times to flirt with disaster. I would not have my mom do something that would get her in killed. Oh, I knew he wouldn't KILL her, but if he'd slap her (and some of you know THAT story) seven times for buying a seven dollar steak, what might he do to her for having my ears pierced a year early?

"No. We can't. Lunch will be enough, mommy. And staying home from school. It's enough."

I wonder what my mom thought, when I said that to her. Was she sad, that I had seen so much, in so short a time, to make me afraid? Or was she angry, angry at my dad, and angry at fate, for putting her in a life where she made no decisions on her own, for fear of the wrath that might befall her?

At any rate, what she told me was this, with a little grin: "It's ok, honey. Daddy ok'd it this morning, as a surprise for you."

We went to get my ears pierced first, and I remember feeling like SUCH a lady, as we sat together and ate lunch. After lunch, mom took me to a movie, I don't even remember which one, but I remember that I had never been happier, sitting beside my mom in that movie theater, my belly full from lunch BOUGHT OUT, feeling grown up with my little topaz earrings (my birthstone, doncha know. The ugliest stone known to mankind).

It was the perfect day. And it was all for me. And she made it special, so that I would always have that memory.

to be continued...


Avitable said...

Saving the best for last, I see.

Bina said...

Wow, I can see why that dream was the scariest you ever had. Funny how the mind works.

And what a wonderful memory of your birthday. Your mom sounds like a great person.

THopgood said...

That has GOT to be the most touching thing I've ever read. That is SUCH a sweet story. And your know what...I think I'm gonna start that tradition in my own home! My kids would be floored! Thank you so much for sharing!

THopgood said...

That has GOT to be the most touching thing I've ever read. That is SUCH a sweet story. And your know what...I think I'm gonna start that tradition in my own home! My kids would be floored! Thank you so much for sharing!

Burfica said...

yes sir ree we are perfect.

I loveeeeee your answers, can't wait to read more.

What a great day with your mom for your birthday. Mine never did much for our birthdays. But oh well, we do big things for our kid now.

Candygirlflies said...

What a GREAT story about your mom.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take my little girls out for lunch...

xo CGF

baseballmom said...

Awww, I LOVE that story! Funny, just this morning T asked me if he could stay home from school on his birthday next year, since his friend went snowboarding on his birthday today. I said yes, and now I'm glad I did! What's one day, if it's that special to a kid.

Sleeping Mommy said...

I haven't had a chance to get over hear and ask you some questions--that I've never been very good at asking questions.

So here goes:

1. What is your biggest fear?

2. What is your guiltiest TV viewing pleasure?

3. Who at your house does the yardwork?

4. And does it get done on time, or only after the grass reaches the knees? (like it usually does at my house)

Mitchell said...

I love you !!!!!