Tuesday, April 29, 2008

100 Things About Me... Part Deux

I've been trying for about an hour now to write about my job. How I came by it, and how it has evolved over the last five years.

But my God, it's turning out boring as fuck, and LONG. And I just can't, in good conscience, subject you to that. I have Damon's ADD to think about, you know. So, I'll fiddle with it and dance with it and maybe somehow, I'll create something good out of it.

Or maybe I'll just push that delete button and send the motherfucker to an early but MUCH deserved grave.

In the meantime, I got nothing. Really. Nothing is happening. There is no gossip. I've heard nothing even remotely funny. Today, my middle name is BLAH. What better time than now to tell you 10 more things about me?

Here goes:

11. I am left handed. This means I listen to a lot of bullshit, and I take it good naturedly, because I'm probably more intelligent than the asshole riding me about which fucking hand I use to write with. You can't tell by looking at my handwriting that I'm a lefty. I don't have to turn my hand into a fucking hook to write, nor do I have to turn halfway around in my seat to achieve that left-handed-writing-zen... About the only way you would know, is if you look at my hand, and see all the ink I've dragged it through going back and forth across the page.

12. My eyes are HAZEL. Not brown. Not green. A curiously uninteresting mixture of both. I don't think it means anything interesting if you have hazel eyes. Except that even your fucking GENES couldn't decide what the fuck to do with you.

13. I am partial to sad songs. And sappy love songs.

14. I am a hopeless American Idol fanatic. Though the Great Sanjaya Debacle nearly made me throw in the towel.

15. I have a really hard time believing I don't deserve every bad thing that happens in my life. I am a firm believer in the whole Karma thing.

16. I have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: I am terrified of Jell-O. This is probably due to the fact that Brother 2 used to assure me he'd put things in my food. Like BB's. And little soldier men. I was sure if I didn't check each bite with my fingers AND chew a hundred times, I would die a horrible, strangling death.

17. Karma has certainly come back to bite Brother 2 on the ass. That isn't a thing about me. But this is: I feel it is my duty to make his problems MY problems, and I have listened to more of his bullshit and heartache than any 10 therapists should have had to listen to. He ain't heavy, he's my brother... and all that.

18. I think that my two girls are the BEST things I ever did. Sure, they're bitches. You say that like it's a bad thing!! They're MY bitches, and if you ever try to hurt one of them, you will see what a bitch *I* can be.

19. I try not to have too many Philosophies-of-Life. Mostly I live by the "Leave me the fuck alone, and I won't bother YOU either" rule.

20. I think that sometimes, there are people who live their whole lives never getting to know or understand what it's like to be loved. You know, that fairy-tale love, where there are dangerous missions, daring rescues, and happily-ever-afters. I think I am one of those people....


Dave2 said...

I'm terrified of JELL-O because it's made with scary animal tissue to get it to gel.

Unless it has vodka in it, in which case I tend to forget about the scary animal tissue.

Miss Anne Derstood said...

Dave2: Welcome! My daughter has already informed me of the scary animal tissue. I'm still more scared of the tiny soldiers...

Bev Sykes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bev Sykes said...

Jeez...until I got to #16, I thought I was writing this, perhaps in my sleep!

Bina said...

I hate that whole Karma thing. I think Karma should just back off for things we did when we were young and stupid, ya know?

Fairy tale love. Oh, if only.

And hey, do we have the same brother??? LOL

Anonymous said...

Jello is gross because of the scary animal tissue thing.

BUT, you could see anything floating around in jello...since you can see through it and everything.

To avoid the animal tissue, I suggest Kool Aid Gel Packs. They use pectin to get their gel instead of gelatin.

Burfica said...

I have very unexciting hazel eyes too. and I live by the same moto/rule leave me alone I won't bother you either thing.

Sleeping Mommy said...

My dear Miss Ann, I don't think there is any such thing as what you describe in number 20. I'm happy in my marriage, but its not happily ever after and there are no daring rescues or dangerous missions. Well except for that one time I took out a shotgun loaded up the kids and went looking for my husband because he'd been gone too long talking to somebody dangerously unstable and crazy about something they were arguing over.

But other than that, nothin' like you describe.

And I totally agree about number 19.

As for number 16, I'm terrified of jello because once you've puked up jello shots--before they have had a chance to dissolve, you won't go near jello again.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm a lefty who doesn't have to hook my hand either :)I never understood how anyone wrote like that.

I also have two daughters - two teenage daughters - so I really can relate to #18.