Monday, April 14, 2008

It's bloody fucking monday again, ain't it?

I have decided that, since my brain is never fully open for business until TUESDAY, that I shall declare this particular day of the week "Meaningless Meandering Monday!!" A day in which I can spew forth stream-o'-consciousness ramblings like vomitus at a frat house kegger. And without further ado, let us begin the first

MEANINGLESS MEANDERING MONDAY

  • So, I found out that I'm fairly good at writing porn. Who knew? I have, however, been assured that it is so. I would post it here and let you read it, because my middle name is "I'll fucking post ANYTHING," but really, a girl's gotta have a few secrets, right?
  • I have actually located a cleaning lady who did NOT run screaming from my house at first sight. She comes this a.m. to work her magic, and I can tell you, it CAN'T happen soon enough for me. Thank God I have a job, so I can't be called on to help her. *confidential to the Husband: Remember when I said I would pay you back whatever she charged you, because I am lazy and good for nothing (except for writing porn!!) and hiring her was MY idea? Dude... I totally had my fingers crossed behind my back.
  • Thing 2 wants to go visit her sister at college this week, as it is Spring Break for some here in good ol' West-by-God-Virginia, and Husband has nixed the idea. Which totally pisses me off, because Husband must travel to Virginia this week, and I was totally gonna spend that whole day writing PORN. I'm still working on it, though. Because my middle name is "big, fat, tenacious M."
  • On a more serious note, my friend Luann lost her father last week, and my heart is absolutely breaking for her. We haven't spent much time talking for several months, which is totally my fault, because I am the WORST BEST FRIEND EVER... Forgive me, Lulu, and know that whatever prayers I am able to pray are being sent out at lightning speed, headed straight atcha. Any of you who feel like helping me give oodles of love and warm hugs to my friend should head on over to Just Lu, and leave a sincere message of deepest sympathy. She hasn't posted for a long time, but that doesn't matter, I'm sure she'll see any new comments.
  • I am completely addicted to American Idol. This is the first year that nearly EVERYONE deserves to win. And I say nearly because, Miss Christy Lee Cook deserves only to be chased off that stage and a formal apology and RE-invite sent out to hunky Michael Johns. Who NEVER should have been ousted from that show at such an early stage, thank you very much. Is it crazy that I have, like, NOT enough money to pay my bills, yet am seriously contemplating spending 60-something dollars on itunes, downloading every song by Michael Johns, David Archuleta, Jason Castro, Carly Smithson, and Brooke White (except for the putrid version of "Here Comes the Sun" which made my head spin around backwords and made me spontaneously spit LATIN words in the general direction of the television screen)? Yeah, I thought so too, which is why I haven't done it yet. But soon, SOON, I will not be able to resist.
  • The "work that has of yet not been completed" saga continues at my office. I heard through the grapevine that I am to receive an ass chewing of epic proportions on Tuesday, should I sweep through the doors with less than THREE completed bankruptcies in tow. Damn bunch of whiners, calling to complain simply because it's been a COUPLE of months since you paid for your bankruptcy to be filed... I told you I'd GET TO IT, as soon as I could! Do you know how busy I am in a day? There are Scrabulous moves to be made, Twitter-y tweats to be read, emails to answer, books to be ordered from Amazon.com, "Can I help you?" smiles to be practiced, (only because you FROWN on me greeting clients with my standard, "What the fuck do YOU want?" oh Fearless Leader"), and delicious, nutritious lunches to be planned, shopped for, and prepared. And then devoured, of course.
  • I am, however, proud to announce that I have completed 1.87 of said bankruptcies, and shall be wearing my "That's right, motherfucker, I AM the queen" smirk come Tuesday morning. So stick THAT in your backpocket, you smarmy bitches. (and by you, I mean someone(s) OTHER than you, sweet readers. Stop being so touchy!)
  • I posed a hypothetical question to Husband this weekend. And it was this: "How long do you plan on punishing me, you self-righteous, scum-sucking, smug bastard?" To which his answer was thus: "Well, how long have you punished ME? 24 years? Yeah, probably about THAT long..." So, since my sins were committed mostly about 4 years ago, seems I'm gonna be doin' hard time for about twenty more years. *sigh* Somehow, forgiveness doesn't MEAN the same thing in my house, as it does for the REST of humanity...
  • I watched "Martian Child" this weekend, and a better movie has not been viewed by yours truly in some time. I highly recommend it should there be some of you who have not yet seen it. Awesome movie. John Cusack has moved right onto my "Oh he's TOTALLY do-able" list.
  • In other fab news, Juno will be released on DVD this week, and I urge you to RUN, not walk, to your nearest Wal-Mart, to purchase this FABULOUS movie. I swear you will not be disappointed. I'd say if you didn't like it, I'd PERSONALLY refund your money, but I'm sure SOME of you, *cough Avitable cough*, would email me with a long list of complaints, simply to cash in on my innocence. Seriously, check out this movie if you are among the 3 or 4 people who haven't seen it.
This concludes another fine edition of MEANINGLESS MEANDERING MONDAY, and we now return you to your regularly scheduled, boring, hum-drum existences....

The End.

9 comments:

Miss Britt said...

OOh - I have to get Juno. I saw it in theaters and loved it. But my husband hasn't seen it yet.

Can't wait to force feed my tears to him!

Oh, and kick your husband in the nuts for me, k?

the planet of janet said...

yeah, what britt said ;-)

oh, except for the part about not having seen "juno."

it's very very very good.

the planet of janet said...

oh wait. she said it was her HUSBAND who hadn't seen it. HA. mine has. cuz he's secure enough in his masculinity to see chick flicks with me and like 'em!!!!

Karl said...

Great flick, Juno. Loved it.

Burfica said...

I'm one of the three or four who haven't seen Juno. Could be because our little rinky dink dam theater didn't get it. grrrrrr

I could rant for pages about our theater, but I'll leave it alone.

Sleeping Mommy said...

I can write a mean sex scene myself. Someday we should trade secrets.

By the way, I cannot get into American Idol this year. I like Brooke. But the others? I'm just "meh" over.

I haven't voted once. That is unheard of for me

Bev Sykes said...

If you liked "Martian Child" the movie, I recommend reading the book, which is even better. I know the real martian child personally and I absolutely loved the movie.

Bina said...

LOVE your meanderings.

Okay, house cleaning? I couldn't pay someone else to clean my house because I'm anal, and I know I would check EVERYTHING they did and not think it was near as good as I could do it. I would love to get paid for cleaning!

LOVED Juno as well. I didn't know it was coming out already! I can't wait!!!!

THopgood said...

I just heard yesterday about Juno coming out and am dieing to see it. I think I'm the only person left in this world that hasn't seen it yet!