Sunday, March 9, 2008

Here we go again....

If you're here because I sent you an email, hello, hello, I'm so happy you're here! Yes, it's me, although for the time being I choose not to use my name. Don't worry, I'm not doing it to "hide" anything.....

I'm just tired of being stalked.... you'd think I had something seriously important to say. But we know different, don't we?

For my first post, I've decided to go back over some basics. Here's a little "about me" for your review: Read carefully, there may be a test later...

  • I was born in Chicago, Illinois on November 8, 1964. I'm special. Because the delivery was difficult, as the cord was wrapped around my neck. Of course everyone was extremely happy that I was ok, despite what my two brothers would have you believe.
  • We lived in Chicago for two years before moving to West Virginia. I won't say what town we ended up in, or the town I live in now, because that's how my last stalker found me, the sniveling bastard.
  • I was a sweet little girl, but lord, did I grow a mouth and an attitude. Of course, with two brothers making my life a living nightmare with their torture, I developed the mouth out of sheer necessity.
  • I'm five foot three inches tall. I weigh a lot. This sucks balls, but whaddaya gonna do?
  • My hair has some brown, lots of red, and an inappropriate amount of grey. It's short.
  • My eyes are hazel, and one of them is gorgeous. The other one does it's own thang... which is generally to make me look stupid in pictures. I'm thinking of getting an eye patch...
  • I do have a particularly nice smile, courtesy of my orthodontist. Two years, two months and twelve days of torture produced an ear to ear smile that shows nearly all my teeth. Lucky me, I still have most of them... Were I not a smoker, my smile would also be particularly white. I solve this problem by wearing dark lipstick and getting a tan.
  • I have two children, both girls. The oldest is 21, and the light of my life. The youngest is 17, and the OTHER light of my life. I couldn't live without them. I hope I never have to try.
  • I will soon have my 24th wedding anniversary. I probably won't celebrate it...
  • I lost my mother 17 and 1/2 years ago, on Thanksgiving Day. I haven't been the same since.
  • I work for an attorney, and our clients are, for the most part, the scum of the earth. They provide me with lots of stories, most of which I'm afraid to share. Because of the aforementioned stalker...
  • Diet coke is my drink of choice. I like it plain, and with lime. I like it over ice, and warm, straight out of the bottle.
  • I love to read, but I'm fairly picky about my books. I don't like true stories, biographies, westerns, or classics. Mention Dostoevsky to me, and I will pretend to listen, but inside, I will go to my happy place. Some of my favorite authors are Dean Koontz, Laurell K. Hamilton, Kelley Armstrong, Janet Evanovich, John Grisham, Lee Child, Joshilyn Jackson, Elizabeth Berg, and Jeff Lindsay. I also read all the Harry Potter books.
  • I love lots of different kinds of music, but of course, I'm partial to sappy love songs. I don't have a problem with rap, but I think music should tell a story. If that story is, "I smoked a lot of dope and fucked some bitches," I'll pass, thank you very much. Some of my favorite singers/groups are Maroon 5, Martina McBride, Carrie Underwood, Cute is What We Aim For, The Format, Augustana, Rod Stewart, Eminem, Rascal Flatts, Fleetwood Mac, the Beatles, Dr. Hook, and Bob Seger. Right now, "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy is my favorite song.
  • I watch a lot of television and about half of it is reruns. I do loves me some reality TV also. Some of my favorites are American Idol, Rob & Big, Ice Road Truckers, Law and Order, Law and Order SVU, King of Queens, Reba, Bones, Will & Grace, Friends, Seinfeld, Monk, Psych, and The Office. My two official favorite shows are House and Prison Break.
  • I don't go to the movies alot. But I do watch a lot of movies. I tend to like comedies and tearjerkers. Some of my favorites are: Napoleon Dynamite, Joe Dirt, Anchorman, absolutely anything Denzel Washington has ever been in, The Green Mile, Erin Brokovich, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, and Superstar. I HATE movies about war, space, industrial espionage, or any century other than the twentieth or twenty-first. I saw We Are Marshall and cried my eyes out.
  • I hate video games, monopoly, and any game that requires me to move anything other than my hands or my eyes. I kick ass at scrabble, backgammon, and sudoku. Except for Mark Willie's ass. He's beaten me at 8 or 9 scrabble games running. The prick. Hopie and I have recently become addicted to Pass The Pigs.
  • I'm not political and I don't really give a shit who wins the presidential race. I registered as a republican only to piss off my father-in-law, and as the only statement I will ever make against abortion.
  • I don't hate gay people. Neither do I give much of a shit about them. If you are reading this and you are gay, don't feel bad. I don't give much of a shit about anybody. Except my girls and my dogs.
  • I think the American judicial system sucks ass. However, it's all we have, and I try not to break laws.
  • I believe in God, although at the present time I am angry with Him. I don't give a shit whether you do or not.
  • I try not to point fingers. If you do something wrong in your life, I believe you will pay for it, whether or not I point it out. And unless it bothers me or my children or dogs, I seriously don't give a shit. I'll try not to bother YOU, you leave me and my family the fuck alone.
  • I am sad alot. I am afraid alot. I whine and moan and bitch alot. Even so, I find something every day to laugh at, even if it is myself. I think it's important to laugh.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'll be adding my blogroll soon, and, should you wish to add me to yours, feel free. Just remember not to use my real name, please.


GeneMaudlin said...

This is your third chance. Don't blow it.

(Nice to see you back, Ms. Complicated.)

Chris H said...

It was very interesting to read this post M, it gave me a real insight into what makes you tick... we are quite similar! On lots of levels it would seem. Hope this blog works out for you and you don't pick up another stalker.

EC said...

So glad you're back! YAY Ms. "shall remain nameless"! I hope the stalker doesn't find you again, that would just suck. We're glad you're around again :)

aka_Monty said...

I will personally stab your stalker in the head if It messes up blogging for you again.
Is all I'm saying.

simple cynicism said...

God, I love you girls.... hahaha

Dory said...

Well, if it isn't my non-practicing lesbinim partner!

I love you, wuh-maaaaaaannnnn!

Lotta said...

Ice Road Trucker rules!

janet said...

ah, she is back and badder than ever!

baseballmom said...

Yay! Welcome back...we missed ya