Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Death of a Friendship... or Two.

I have not had a very good week.

I could write about just how bad it was, from the loss of two, count them T-W-O friendships, to the complete vegetation of my brain and body for THREE days, from the weather being cold and GREY on the first few days of SPRING, to the phone call I received Sunday night from an old friend of my mother's, who I am reasonably sure is either my stalker, or is channeling Jesus in a not so very good or appropriate way.

But alas, I'm much too upset to write about my week. And I have to give that phone call it's very own post, anyway.

So let me say this, just so you know where I am: I do not go hunting for friendship. I do not do this because at the very core of my being, is the certain knowledge that I am not a good friend. I do not say this in jest, nor do I say it as a Fisher Of Compliments. It simply is what it is.

Be that as it may, there are people to whom I am drawn. Sometimes in a good way, and sometimes in a "Miss Ann, what the fuck were you thinking?" way. But each relationship is a learning experience, and a chance for me to grow. And everything that has happened in my life thus far, and every person that I have met, and known, and loved, and hated, has brought me to this place that I am now, and though I would change many things about it were I able, it is, at the very least, the place where I am meant to be. And it is a good place to begin.

To begin to know, and like, and respect who I am.

And so the loss of two friends saddens me deeply. But it won't crush me, and it won't destroy me.

**Portions of this post have been deleted.


Burfica said...

man I think I missed something. Cuz I'm a bit lost. Was it on here???

You haven't lost me miss Ann. You've learned it's hard to get rid of me.

janet said...

i miss nothing.

and ... you know you can't get rid of me. i'm like a mosquito -- always buzzing in your ear. :-P

Chris H said...

*BUMMER*, but you are right, our past makes us who we are today, so it's all good at the end of the day.

Worker Mommy said...

You're not a good friend ? What's that all about.


I am sorry about the loss of the two friendships though. It is very hard to lose a friend. I always question what I coulda , shoulda done and just feel awful.

Sending you a big ol innernet hug and hoping it helps if even only the littlest weeniest bit!

lu said...

maybe you should rethink the 'not a good friend thing'

you are a good friend.

Calvin said...

You have a tendancy to just piss people off. You don't share yer damn adavan. And you narc on people for inhaling.
If you cant be with the one you love honey love the one your with.
Just beat it. You gotta have faith and all my memories gather round her. Mountain momma. god bless the usa! Dirty democrat......