Monday, September 29, 2008

How do I love Miss Katie? Let me count the ways...

Today is Miss Katie's birthday... I don't know how old she is, isn't that awful? I'm a horrible sister. However, she's probably very grateful that I DON'T know, because I would announce it to the universe in this post...

I met Kate about.... lots of years ago. (People, I have no mind left. Don't ask me when ANYTHING happened, because I have no idea. But that makes my stories kinda fun, doncha think?) Mitchell brought her home to meet "the family."

Now... you have to understand my family. First of all, there is my dad, and his live-in-LUVAH, Crusty. Crusty has a daughter slightly older than Thing One. Let's call her Crumb. Crumb has some emotional problems and some other stuff that we won't even get into here. Let's just say that if people were placed in order, from the mentally stable at the top, down to the... um... UNSTABLE, at the bottom... my family would not be very high up. Crusty and Crumb would not even make the chart. OK?

So, you've got my dad, who is loud, and argumentative, intelligent, and he packs his jaws like a gerbil when he eats. You have Crusty, who is loud, crass, and calls people "a bunch of assidines." And no, it isn't a word. And you have Crumb, whose favorite expression, at that time (and maybe still, hell I don't know) was "stupid dummy!"

Next up, you have Mark and Michelle and the boys, though Michelle has since run for the hills, creating a scandal the likes of which this family has never... ok, yeah, we've seen it before, because we have MITCHELL.

Mark is not necessarily loud. He's a good ol' boy, who is everybody's friend. Seriously, I don't think you can meet Mark and NOT adore him. It's only after you get to know him that he begins to rub you the wrong way... Like sandpaper. Or a wire brush. Michelle was friendly and outgoing, at least way back THEN, but she, too, was LOUD. Mark's kids, BoyThing One and BoyThing Two were foul mouthed little terrorists, who called each other things like "motherfuckhead" and "cunninglingus".

Finally, a breath of fresh air in the vile pit of familial dung, you have me, and Things One and Two. I laugh, I curse, I shout, and occasionaly, I sing... though off-key. At that time, my girls would have cut off their appendages rather than say a bad word. Thing One was quiet and shy, and Thing Two, though she was NOT a fan of Crumb and would NOT hesitate to tell her at ANY moment on ANY given day, was so cute with her curls and her hillbilly accent, you couldn't HELP but love her.

And into this mix, Mitchell brings Miss Katie....

Lord have mercy...

I watched her, that day... and decided that she hated all of us. And I couldn't understand it. I mean, my God, we were FUN! How... how could ANYONE in their right mind NOT love us? I figured Kate was either NOT in her right mind... OR, it was Crusty and Crumb's fault.

It couldn't have been any of US.

Kate, on this, the anniversary of your birth, let me just tell you that I ADORE you. And here's why:

1. You are gentle and kind.

2. You have a wonderful sense of humor.

3. You are COMPLETELY in your right mind. :)

4. You opened up your heart to me, when I needed a friend so badly.

5. You are incredibly intelligent. This is a biggie, because I have a low tolerance for stoo-pid.

6. You are generous in the extreme.

7. You are a wonderful mother.

8. Even though you are a God-hater, you do not try to force your beliefs on anyone. And I'm only teasing, you are not a God-hater, you are more of a God-Doubter.

9. You tell it like it is. I can always count on you for an honest opinion. And also, you are mostly always on my side.

10. You keep Mitch.

11. And this is the most important one: YOU SHARE YOUR BOOKS WITH ME.

Seriously? You are my sister, my confidant, my "if Mitchell dies and leaves you lots of money, I will marry you and be your non-practicing lesbian LUVAH" best friend. I believe, with all my heart, that Mitchell is the man he is today because of you. And that's a good thing, Kate.

Happy Birthday, Sister. I love you.

ps. I WILL be calling to sing. And you WILL NOT laugh. k, thx, bye.

pps. INTERNETS? Be sure and read the post from last night, to my baby girl....


the planet of janet said...

wow, it's a birthday extravaganza!

happy birthday, miss kate. thank you for keeping my friend safe and sane because i'm too far away to do it myself.


Burfica said...

Happy Birthday Kate!!!! I would sing but then Miss Anne would hunt me down and staple my top lip to the floor.

Cheryl said...

Kate is definately a keeper!!! I am glad you have someone like her in your life.


Bina said...

Happy Birthday Kate!

She sounds like a very special person and friend. You are lucky to have her in your life, but obviously, you know that already.