Sunday, August 17, 2008

Free to Good Home...

One wife. Used for 24 years. Still has all own teeth. Can cook. Won't clean house or do windows. Has trashy mouth. Loves to read and will eat you out of house and home. Will make you laugh. May possibly make you crazy. Needs lots of love. Comes with a fair amount of baggage. Can suck a football through a water hose*. Is smart and has great smile. Has crazy little left eye.



*Just kidding about the football.

17 comments:

the planet of janet said...

don't need a wife, but i DO need a friend like that.

except for the football part.

Anonymous said...

How about "can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch"? Or "can suck start a bull dozer"?
Hang in there kid I feel you will do fine. In fact I feel you have been oppressed for years. There is no telling what you can acomplish now.

Charlie

DraMa said...

Not bad! I'm sure you'll have plenty of takers!!!! LOL!!

I am sorry about all of this though. I know it must be really hard.

baseballmom said...

Dude, you can come live with me in WA, we can go clam digging and get orange chicken and beer, like we said! There are lots of good guys here...

Miss Britt said...

FREE??

What the fuck??

Honey, you should be charging for that shit. ;-)

MARFSBABY said...

Sounds like a winner to me - I'll take her! Any day.

Burfica said...

I want her!!!! I don't clean or do windows either, and we can sit and be smart assy together. hahahaha

I have a crazy little right eye, we can be twins. hahahahah

Burfica said...

OoO I gave you an award by the way. over at my blog.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

So I suppose you can't do a soccer ball, either. Rats.

Anonymous said...

we're workers of the lord
our lives are free from sin
its been that way for many a day
since jesus christ came in.

Bina said...

You're gonna have MANY takes on this, you just wait and see!

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

I'm new here and I'm really sorry. And I agree with Miss Brit.

Eileen said...

Don't sell yourself short, your are worth so much more than this. I am sorry you are going through this right now. It sucks. Take care of yourself!

Nea said...

Does anyone do windows or iron? Truthfully, I really want to know, haha....

I haven't used an iron in say, 20 years.....

And windows, oh yeh, I run a rag over them once a year......maybe.

So your are back on the market.....well, I often wish I was, you want a new husband, you can have mine, he lays on the couch and when he isn't on the couch he is in his room on the computer with his feet up. No kiddding 23 hours a day, he sleeps the rest of the time, and farts......

found you through Burfica, I needed another smile this morning....

Nea said...

Not laughing at your situation, just laughing at your sense of humor......:):) if you know what I mean......

TOBY SMACK YER ASS said...

ok enough is enough! its time for a pool boy-adavan party. Maybe i'll spring for some xanax. Get your ass down here and get some pecker and let them toes point to the heavens. Got 100 foot of garden hose and a basket of basketballs. whoos ya toby? help me toby, toby, toby , toby.

Anonymous said...

But I hear you're a million miles away.