My suitcase o' blues....

I love my little daddy....

Last night he called me to check on me. I have to be so careful when I talk to him, that I don't have a "melody-meltdown". My dad can't handle that, and he's got a bad heart. So I try to spare him the worst of my worst moods....

So, I'm telling him that I'm ok, but sick with a cold, and that I've found a house, but the only reason I haven't moved in yet is the cold that has prevented me from getting anything done.

I'm also whining about not having a sofa or a washer and dryer, because after all, this IS my daddy, and should he so choose, he could instruct me to write a check and VOILA! New sofa, new washer, new dryer.

But then, after all this IS my daddy and he ignored my whining. *sigh*

But he gave me a wonderful idea.

"Sissy," he says, (because he calls me that, of course) "I want you to pack a suitcase." (Oh yay! I'm thinking, "Daddy's gonna send me on vacation!!")

"I want you to pack it IN YOUR MIND...." (huh? But... um... DADDY? How'm I gonna go on vacation with a MIND SUITCASE?)

"In it, I want you to put all the bad shit. Everything you don't want to take into your new home. Pack it into your suitcase. Take your time, sister, and do it right. Pack up all the hurt and the anger and the bad feelings. And when you drive up to your house, leave that suitcase on the curb for the garbageman."

Eventually, my daddy gets around to making sense...

So, throughout the day, I will be "packing" my virtual suitcase, and of course, being the attention whore that I am, I want to share with you what I'm packing.

And of course, if you have any good ideas for me, I'd be glad to hear 'em.

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Melody's Suitcase O' Blues:

1. My guilt over my mother falling on October 5, 1990. I know she would not have held it against me, and I will learn to not hold it against myself.

2. My memory of the Sperm Donor asking me, "Am I ashamed of you? Well, would YOU want to be seen out with something that looks like you?"

3. My shame for being unfaithful to my husband in a relationship that did NOTHING for me.

4. My fear that I will never find someone that I will REALLY connect with. That I will never MATTER... to anyone.

5. My love of the Little Debbie Devil. (which is Nutty Bars, to be specific)


***to be continued...