Friday, May 9, 2008

Sometimes, we just talk...


Thing 1: "I don't think anyone should be mad at Uncle, just because he doesn't spend a lot of time at the hospital."

Me: "Well, your dad is pissed at him, and of course, Thing 2 feels however her daddy feels."

Thing 1: "Everyone deals with stress differently, you know?"

Me: "Yeah, that's true. Thing 2 deals with it by screaming and hitting people."

Thing 1: "I deal with stress by having sex."

Me: "Ha... Haha... Shut the fuck up."


Husband: "Are you on the phone with Thing 1?"

Me: "Yup."

Husband: "Ask her what she's trying to accomplish with all the philosophy classes. Is she trying to become the next Dolly Llama?" (huge grin)

Me: *blink*

Me (to Thing 1): "I think he's dumb on purpose."


Me: "And so I told daddy that you and Thing 1 would take turns spending the night with your mamaw."

Thing 2 (angrily): "Why don't you just admit you're not going to do anything for mamaw during this?"

Me: click.

Me (texting): "I am about tired of the way you are treating me."

Me: "You need to understand that I have been through this once before."

Me: "And just maybe, I am hurting far more than you realize."

Me: "So lay off, Thing 2, and take your shit out on someone else."

Thing 2(texting): "I'm sorry."


Brother 2: "So, when we go up to move Thing 1, is she gonna have all her stuff packed and ready to go?"

Me: "Have you met Thing 1?"

Brother 2: *sigh*


Office Manager: "Wasn't that sweet of my husband to bring me the Dogwood?"

Me: "... yeah... what exactly do you do with tree branches? You put 'em in water to grow roots or what?"

Office Manager: "No. I just put them in water! They are PRETTY! It's Dogwood!"

Me: "Dude. He brought you tree branches."

Office Manager: "He brought me DOGWOOD!!!"

Me: "He brought you wood, alright... in the form of TREE branches..."

Office Manager: "You just don't get it!"

Me: "I guess not..."


*Imaginary conversation with Miss Kate*

Me: "Kate? Did you email Amazon yet?"

Kate: "I forgot AGAIN!!"

Me: "You look very beautiful today. And the new Odd Thomas book is out. I'm DYING over here!!"

Kate: "I'll do it TODAY!"

Me: "I love you. Marry me."


*Conversation with myself*

Me: "Don't text him again. He's not gonna answer."

Myself: "But! But, it's not FAIR!"

Me: "Nothing is fair, Stoo-pid."

Myself: "But what did we do wrong? We TRUSTED him!"

Me: "Apparently, THAT'S what we did wrong..."


Burfica said...

dolly lama. lmaoooooooooooooooooo

and I don't get the dogwood thing either.

Anonymous said...

Aaaaaahhhhhhh! I forgot again! I'll do it NOW!


Bina said...

Dogwood branches? Where does she stick them? In water? Hmmmmmmm.

And I really like the conversation with yourself, cause now I don't feel so strange.