Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Screaming out Loud....

I really thought I'd post more, when I wrote the last post about Autumn. Go figure, I had no words...

I was going to post on my birthday, but I was so hungover from the Mexican! Fiesta! the girls threw for me that I doubt I could have written a single coherent sentence.

I was going to post on November 22, the day my mom died, but I decided that I wouldn't have any good words that day either.

I was going to post on Thanksgiving day about how happy I was that Mitch and Katie and Jane and Mark and the boys and their girlfriends and my girls were with me and how wonderful Thanksgiving Day actually turned out to BE. But then I ate a lot of turkey and got sleepy and slept for like, 27 hours.

So, here we are. This day means literally nothing and so I have no reason to feel any pressure whatsoever to post something meaningful. Which is just the way I like it.

Today, on Facebook, I set my status as "And I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd, 'cause these words are my diaries, screaming out loud...." which is actually a line from a fabulous song by Anna Nalick. I highly recommend that you listen to it, and love it like I do. But I digress.

I particularly love this line of the song, and believe you me, I am jealous as hell that I was not the author. What a descriptive line! These words are my diaries, screaming out loud.... Of course, Anna Nalick is referring to songwriting, whereas, if you tried to sing anything "I've" ever written you'd be pelted with withered and rotted vegetation.

I said all of that just to say this: I can SO identify with this one little descriptive line of verse. This blog... the thoughts that I struggle to put into words, and the words that I struggle to put into these paragraphs... they ARE my diaries. And sometimes? Oh how I hope they will scream out loud to you... So that maybe ONE or TWO or TEN of you will say to yourself... "Yeah. I get it. I know what she means. I know who she is. I KNOW Melody. I understand her."

Of course, you could just as easily understand me and HATE me with a fiery hot passion. And that's ok too, though I would have to say to you, "If you hate me that much, what the fuck are you doing here, reading my blog? Go live your life, you backstabbing son-of-a-cock-whore!"

OK. I'm not making a whole lot of sense, here, am I? Some of you will know that that is the NORM with me. Not making sense is what Melody does best, donchaknow.

Oh, you guys, what a life I have lived for the last few months. It's been UPUPUP, and it's been downdowndown. But it has not been dull, not even for a second.

I've been wined and dined, treated like a queen, and treated like shit. I've had phone sex, text sex, cyber sex, and real sex. I've been lied to, cheated on, told I would be a "knockout" if I were NORMAL SIZED, and offered, by a 59 year old married man with false teeth, to be "licked. for one hour." (I had to pass on the licking, by the way. 'Cause, ewwww. False teeth.) I also had sex with my ex husband for money. Don't judge me, I'm making my own rules now.

I've dated an alcoholic, a pathological liar, a pothead, and the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet. (Hi, Fletch!)

I've paid rent, I've mowed grass, and made buddies with the local drug selling teens. (They got my BACK, yo')

I've met lots of "nice" guys online, who, probably because I am a lunatic, have stopped talking to me at some point and now do the POLITE, "hey, how are ya? I'm JUST on my way out! Talk to you soon!"

I've been desperately lonely.

I've been happier than I've ever been in my life.

I've been free.

Yeah, these words are my diaries, screaming out loud........

5 comments:

Dory said...

I'm so damn proud of you!

And I love you, you sweet thang, you...

In a totally non-lick-for-an-hour way of course.

the planet of janet said...

wait. who are you again?

MB said...

Yeah. I get it. I know what you means I know who you are. I understand.

Glad to see you back and hope that the UPUPUP's outweighed the downdowndown's. ;)

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Bina said...

Nice to finally hear from you! Sounds like you are living YOUR life, and no one else's and honey, I do admire that!

And ya know what? I DO gettcha!