Conversations:
Thing 1: "I don't think anyone should be mad at Uncle, just because he doesn't spend a lot of time at the hospital."
Me: "Well, your dad is pissed at him, and of course, Thing 2 feels however her daddy feels."
Thing 1: "Everyone deals with stress differently, you know?"
Me: "Yeah, that's true. Thing 2 deals with it by screaming and hitting people."
Thing 1: "I deal with stress by having sex."
Me: "Ha... Haha... Shut the fuck up."
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Husband: "Are you on the phone with Thing 1?"
Me: "Yup."
Husband: "Ask her what she's trying to accomplish with all the philosophy classes. Is she trying to become the next Dolly Llama?" (huge grin)
Me: *blink*
Me (to Thing 1): "I think he's dumb on purpose."
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Me: "And so I told daddy that you and Thing 1 would take turns spending the night with your mamaw."
Thing 2 (angrily): "Why don't you just admit you're not going to do anything for mamaw during this?"
Me: click.
Me (texting): "I am about tired of the way you are treating me."
Me: "You need to understand that I have been through this once before."
Me: "And just maybe, I am hurting far more than you realize."
Me: "So lay off, Thing 2, and take your shit out on someone else."
Thing 2(texting): "I'm sorry."
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Brother 2: "So, when we go up to move Thing 1, is she gonna have all her stuff packed and ready to go?"
Me: "Have you met Thing 1?"
Brother 2: *sigh*
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Office Manager: "Wasn't that sweet of my husband to bring me the Dogwood?"
Me: "... yeah... what exactly do you do with tree branches? You put 'em in water to grow roots or what?"
Office Manager: "No. I just put them in water! They are PRETTY! It's Dogwood!"
Me: "Dude. He brought you tree branches."
Office Manager: "He brought me DOGWOOD!!!"
Me: "He brought you wood, alright... in the form of TREE branches..."
Office Manager: "You just don't get it!"
Me: "I guess not..."
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*Imaginary conversation with Miss Kate*
Me: "Kate? Did you email Amazon yet?"
Kate: "I forgot AGAIN!!"
Me: "You look very beautiful today. And the new Odd Thomas book is out. I'm DYING over here!!"
Kate: "I'll do it TODAY!"
Me: "I love you. Marry me."
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*Conversation with myself*
Me: "Don't text him again. He's not gonna answer."
Myself: "But! But, it's not FAIR!"
Me: "Nothing is fair, Stoo-pid."
Myself: "But what did we do wrong? We TRUSTED him!"
Me: "Apparently, THAT'S what we did wrong..."
Friday, May 9, 2008
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3 comments:
dolly lama. lmaoooooooooooooooooo
and I don't get the dogwood thing either.
Aaaaaahhhhhhh! I forgot again! I'll do it NOW!
Kate
Dogwood branches? Where does she stick them? In water? Hmmmmmmm.
And I really like the conversation with yourself, cause now I don't feel so strange.
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